Bipolar disorder, a firsthand account

While I have described my intimate familiarity with social phobia, generalized anxiety, and major depression, I (thankfully) cannot say the same about manic-depression, or bipolar disorder. I ran upon this video from a physician describing her experience as both doctor and patient and thought I’d share.  Very enlightening, Enjoy!

Man as machine

More and more lately, I hear from those who would reduce man to a machine. Certain outspoken scientists proclaim life as random, the result of chemical interactions and natural processes, and free will as an illusion. As I have stated before many neuroscientists are seeking to unlock the mystery of the brain and explain away consciousness. Others are convinced that we have evolved logic and can now leave primitive emotion behind. Occasionally this logic is overpowered by the primitive structures labeled by Arthur Koestler as the Ghost in the machine, a derogative term for mind-body dualism. Apparently, the Vulcan race is what these fellows aspire too. We could solve all the problems of the world if we could just be strictly logical, and lose emotion. It seems simple enough doesn’t it?

Physician heal thyself- Why docs are the worst patients

I have an admission to make. I have not seen a primary care physician in 5 years. As a resident the excuses come easy. Getting the smallest of chores can become a mammoth task in the face of an 80 hour work week. However, the fact remains, the things I really want done, get done, seeing a doctor does not. I even have really good reasons to see a doctor. I have tests that really should be done once every few years. I have had real problems that I have shoved aside, little things here and there that probably should really be checked, but deep down I don’t want to do it. Why is this?

Depression and Stigma- a rant

One of the tried and true nuggets of anti-mormonism is the fact that Utah has the highest per capita rate of prozac use in the country. Why is this, they ask and insinuation is clear. Something must be wrong with that religion. Ooh its beating people down. they’re repressed, look, look, they’re repressed. Here is my answer to such critics, if you want to know who is responsible for high rates of depression in the Mormon community, go take a look in the mirror.

Depression, my story part two- Meltdown

  The events surrounding my transition from medical student to MD and resident were a tidal wave.  My education, training, mindset, social phobia, personal life, health all combined into what I can only refer to as the perfect storm. 

Depression, my story part one- The Pretender

    I have always been shy, well, not just shy, but painfully, exceptionally, extraordinarily shy.  I have a deep, irrational fear of rejection, the technical term is social phobia.  One on one, given time to feel out absolutely no threat, I can interact with others very well.  In a new situation, or particularly with groups, I am paralyzed.  It has haunted and hamstrung me most of my life, but never at anytime more than when I decided I might have the ability, the drive, and the heart to be a physician.

Depression, a disordered mind, body, and soul

Disclosure–This is an intensely personal subject for me.  I suffer from Major Depression, I have had to come to a knowledge of this thing both as a patient and a physician and as a committed religious person.  In my journey, I have gained a LOT of perspective and at a painful price.  Ironically, I think the biggest reason I still use the Doc pseudonym for posting is the stigma this problem might create for me as a physician.  My particular story is to come in a later post when I am in a more soul baring mood.

Who is to blame for depression? Ourselves, God, the devil, our genes, our culture, our  loved ones, our experience, our brain?